One of these is not like the other …
This is my hermaphrodite puppy when she was 3 weeks old.
We’re (my two parents, Joe, and I) are seeing Van Halen in Nashville tonight, and of course we want to liquor up during the show.
My dad put a flask down the front of his pants. A pink flask.
Joe is a devoted teacher, and he just spilled champagne all over that kid’s paper.
This is my hermaphrodite puppy, Bitsy. She’s externally mostly a girl, so we’re calling her she. And I want to keep her! I’m thinking about buying a house just so I can adopt her. Her ears touch the ground when she walks!
My only hobby in life is dogs. I don’t care about people or any of the many things in this universe such as hairspray or granola bars or cupboards. I only care about dogs. Sometimes when I get to a party and I see that someone has brought their dog along, I’ll pretend that I’m a carefree individual who barely notices the dog, but on the inside I’m totally freaking out because there is a dog in the same room as me and I’m not playing with his floppy ears. Eventually, after a few drinks, I finally get up the courage to abandon my disguise as a normal human being and cease all human interaction to spend my entire night playing with the dog.
I’m meeting Katie for drinks in about 45 minutes
and it’s been so long since I’ve seen her that I’m really nervous. I’ve got first-date jitters. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR.
